Why You Shouldn’t Date a Yoga Teacher

Who hasn’t, at one time or another, been drawn to the sensual, grounded vibe of their yoga teacher?

In one way or another, we all put our yoga teachers on pedestals for different reasons. They are the ones with glowing skin, knowing eyes, rounded hearts, and taunting wisdom words that are clearly directed at you.

It’s not recommended to date your yoga instructor. These are some classy reasons why we whimsy-eyed students shouldn’t date our dazzling yoga instructors. I am both a student as well as aa instructor, so I can assure you that they are accurate.

You’ll be distracted.

What will this do to your yoga practice first? You’ll always be distracted during class. You will never be the same!

Why is he touching the girl’s a** in Child Pose? Now you’re distracted and jealous! Breathe, yogi.

You’ll either get more attention or none at all.

They will either pay you more attention to your mat, making it awkward, or avoid your mat entirely and give you no assistance at all.

They might be too bendy for you — physically and emotionally

Your instructor is too flexible for you. not just physically but also emotionally. You can’t match the pretzel-like shape that she takes after her meditation and seaweed snack at 5 pm.

You Could Be Confused

You will never be told that you’re right… or wrong.

Couples can be too Zen to argue about ‘couple stuff’

The yogis are not able to commit to any subject. They prefer to listen and do not argue.

You will look bad if you argue with someone who is smiling and sitting still while you are ranting. Oh, dear…

Discussions can get deep and yogic.

Every conversation will be deep and will end with a motto or come back to the 8-limb ideals.

You are practicing Ahimsa by eating that vegan doughnut. It is a form of non-violence towards yourself. You don’t like doughnuts? Well, if that’s the case, then you’re still practicing Ahimsa by not eating food that will clog up your arteries or make you fat.

Time Becomes Bendy Too

They will be very late (even if you bought them that cool watch for their birthday). Time is relative, and the universe will have a plan, whether it’s 6:15 pm or 6:43 pm.

“…If it were my duty to be punctual, I would’ve been. “Our place on this earth is not as important as the buzzing world that surrounds you, baby.”

They might be a little TOO open to possibilities.

The lifestyle of easy flowing is what they will say when they change their minds at the last moment.

Let’s go with nature, baby. Relax, have some carrot and chia – or better yet, kale juice and parsley.

Goodbye Back Rubs, Hello Asana Assists

Back massages are no more. You will no longer be able to get a back massage.

You’ll have a house full of yoga mats.

Yoga mats will fill your home if you move in together. No couch, no TV, no stove. Yoga mats from floor to ceiling. These mats are going to invade your home in about a month.

They will appear without warning.

No late-night junk food runs

You won’t be able to shop for groceries at your local 7-11 until 10:30 pm on Friday nights. Busted.

This frikkin’ Scarf

They will suddenly be wearing a red scarf, which indicates that no one should talk to them or expect them in any shape or form to communicate with anyone else.

It will happen to you at an awkward time, such as when your parents visit, or your boss invites you over for dinner.

Yoga Stretches Anywhere, Anytime

Yoga teachers cannot watch a film without performing several spinal twists and hamstring stretches. Theater or not, people will complain of feeling stiff. (Yeah, ok…because I didn’t teach three hot yoga classes today and wrapped my leg around my head before dinner to take an Insta challenge photo.

Your new love will stand up in the middle of a scene to hurl up some peaceful warriors or fall in a full split regardless of whose vision is blocked.

Yoga photos everywhere that are Instagram-ready

You’ll either be jealous of the time they spend with their selfie stick or tripod while you are hiking or on the beach, or you’ll spend so much time in front of the camerathat  you will become an expert yoga photographer.

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